Breaking the news about divorce can be a difficult and trying time. This is someone you imagined spending your life with and growing old together. Everyone who has told their partner they want a separation remembers the exact details and moment of when it happened. We oftentimes feel mixed emotions, whereby we still love the person but are no longer in love with them.
Sometimes a partner’s personal problems can also be the trigger for a divorce such as gambling, addictions and behavioural issues. We can try to change our partners but ultimately it lies with them to change.
Telling Your Partner You Are Preparing to Leave
The best outcome in this situation is if both spouses are open and understanding of each other and willing to listen thoughtfully and carefully to one another, however, most of the time this is not the case. One partner, usually the one being left will be dissatisfied and less invested in moving the process forward.
It is imperative that you and your spouse have an open dialogue before things get to this point so you can begin to work on issues before it’s too late. We humans often fear the unknown and for some, it is easier to leave than have difficult conversations.
Telling Your Partner You Want a Trial Separation
How you communicate this to your partner depends on what sort of outcome you want for yourself. Do you want the trial separation to be a pathway to repairing your relationship or as the next step in the divorce process? It is hard to know the answer. Some couples will use this time to reflect on themselves and their marriage others may use it as a way to start preparing their partner for the inevitable.
It can be hard to emotionally, physically and financially prepare for a divorce and separation can help with these feelings. You just need to take one step at a time and find out what YOU really want out of life.
Being Asked or Asking for a Divorce
If your partner is asking you for a divorce, it is important that you discuss your issues at hand and explore options such as counselling, a trial separation if you’re partner is not willing to do these things it is most likely over in their minds and has been for a while.
Unfortunately, there is not much you can do in this case to change their mind. If you have children, it is vital that you can accept each other’s decisions and remain amicable with one another.
On the other side, if you are the one that wants a divorce and have exhausted all options and do not see any other choice but divorce it is sometimes easier to just be upfront and tell your partner you do not see it working any longer.
If you 100% know you want a divorce it is also a good idea to maintain boundaries, you do not want to send mixed signals to your potential ex-spouse and give them hope as things can escalate and get messy.
Be Gentle but Firm
How you approach asking for a divorce will determine and shape the way your whole divorce process will work. If you approach a partner with anger and frustration you can expect a similar way in return.
Be as kind and compassionate as you possibly can, use empathy to put yourself in their position and how you would like to be told. The chances of you thinking about divorce has been a lot longer than theirs and thus they will not be as far along the road as you are so be understanding with this.
It is also extremely important you remain strong in your stance if you 100% want a divorce and do not let them persuade or manipulate you into making a decision you do not want.
Timing is Important
Telling your partner you no longer want to be with them is an enormous decision and one that can hurt a person deeply. You want to make sure your partner is emotionally capable of receiving the news. Try not to do it when an important life event is taking place or when they are going through a difficult time.
Try to be patient and wait to announce it when it can be the least damaging to your spouse, families and children especially.
Keep The Right Relations
Ultimately every decision you make is yours and yours alone, however, there are ways we can go about these choices and decisions. If we want to have the right relationship with our children’s other parent we need to go about things in a way that we respect one another and how it will affect the future of our lives.
Being tactful and respectful of how we behave towards our partners can make a huge difference in rebuilding trust and maintaining a healthy friendship between two parties. Your words and actions have a huge effect on those around you.
Ultimately when we ask the question, What is the best way to ask for a divorce? There is no easy or simple answer. We are all individual humans with different outlooks and life experiences as well as different relationships.
The only thing we can advise is to make yourself happy and make sure your children are looked after. We all live one life and we want to experience that life to the fullest.
Thank you for reading and until next time.