Divorce during Covid

A Look At Divorce During Covid

2020 has been a difficult year for us all, whether it has been a loss of income or a loss of the ones closest to you. Covid-19 has put a lot of stress on relationships as many people have lost their jobs and stock markets have fluctuated, while some marriages may come out stronger others have resulted in a separation. Let’s talk about how Covid-19 has impacted relationships as well as how the court systems have adjusted to the strenuous time.

When the Corona Virus went worldwide in March many families and couples were anticipating a tough time but also looking forward to spending time with their families and spouses. Businesses and services have slowly started opening up again for the time being, this includes the courts and processing systems.

Law firms describe the current COVID-19 pandemic as a perfect storm with multiple levels of lockdowns and social distancing which causes couples to spend more time together where they would usually be spending time at work or with the kids. It has been a catalyst for separations as daily routines have usually masked the underlying issues in relationships. The reasons for divorce are still the same, whether one partner is unhappy with the situation or things at home are not getting better, COVID-19 just bought it into focus now.

Many divorce attorneys were not surprised by the increase in divorce applications after the first hard lockdown ended, divorces usually spike after families spend a prolonged time together, for example during the festive seasons and school breaks. A leading British law firm called Stewarts has seen that roughly 75% of all divorces have been initiated by female customers, they concluded that this was because of the disproportionate share of domestic work. With both partners working from home, it is expected that both parties will help share the load of housework and child care that needs to be done but the reality was in fact a far cry from that.

Divorce process during covid

Relationship experts have also discovered that even the strongest of couples, who, before COVID-19 had no issues and no problems were now susceptible to divorce. This is mainly because the usual routines and rhythms that offered comfort and stability were now put into disarray. Without these pillars in their life this causes couples to seek other forms of stimulation and support outside of their relationship which might add additional strain.

Newly wedded couples have also come under strain during the pandemic, unfortunately in the early days, they are not equipped with the skills and coping mechanisms that come with 20+ years of marriage and the trials and tribulations that older couples have had to overcome. With a lifestyle that has had to take a back seat and the complete opposite perception of what a happy married life entails.

Money is already a big issue when it comes to divorce rates, the pandemic only added to the increased pressure with loss of income from both partners with some even being retrenched. Money increases the strain on the personal relationships of the partners with having to prioritise spending when previously it was not a problem. Being retrenched can also have mental side effects and a loss of self-esteem from one or more partners. This is especially true in men, whereby the ego will take a beating and self-worth will be lowered. This can manifest in many ways such as anger, frustration, and anxiety.

Unlike other crises that our country has seen the pandemic has hit entertainment, tourism, and leisure workers the hardest which are already low-income sectors for employees. These employees are often the ones who need the money the most and with very little savings. This has caused a huge influx of separation in low-income families who often opt for uncontested divorces to save themselves money that often comes with a contested divorce.

Many divorce attorneys, including SKV, have seen an increase in spouses that are “gathering information” for when they are in a more secure place to go through with a divorce, Stewart’s law firm in the UK states that they have been inundated with requests for information and how they will proceed with divorce; what are the consequences, costs, and processes.

One positive that the pandemic has bought about is that people are now starting to re-evaluate their lives and are having an introspective look at exactly what they want out of life. Whether it be a change of lifestyle, possibly moving countries, or just being closer to their families. The pressures of the pandemic have reminded us that life is short are we need to evaluate how and with whom we spend our little time remaining.

Depending on what divorce you and your spouse of opted for, it would change the process. There are two types of divorces, uncontested and contested divorces. In the case of an uncontested divorce, the courts have allowed the parties to not appear in court or appear in an online session where the divorce will more than likely be granted unless there are some pertinent issues. SKV Attorneys can help you with the process of an uncontested divorce in an easy and effective manner.

Contested divorces are slightly different as there is a lot more deliberation and discussions taking place. Many firms including SKV allow our clients to converse over a Skype or Zoom meeting to make it as safe as possible. Courts are also allowing online sessions to help stop the spread whereas previously this was not the case. We might just be seeing a whole new way of divorces being conducted.

In conclusion, the pandemic has hit us all hard, from low-income families to newlyweds. If you are thinking about separating from your spouse during this time please do not hesitate to contact us. We are available for queries and questions regarding divorce. Please stay safe and look after your loved ones.


Unmarried Parents and Parenting Plans

Unmarried parents are a stark reality in our modern society and South African society is no different. Many of these relationships fail and with such failure and separation the arrangements surrounding a minor child born from such a relationship become a serious bone of contention.

The inevitable question(s) surrounding such arrangements arise early after the breakdown of a relationship between unmarried parents, ie. how to go about ensuring the arrangements are in place, whom to approach, what to do regarding maintenance, visitation and encompassing rights towards a minor child, and when to do so.

The first port of call is to ascertain the responsibilities and rights of unmarried fathers.  In doing so we consult the Children’s Act, Act 38 of 2005 (hereinafter referred to as “the Children’s Act”). Specifically section 21 of the Children’s Act, which endeavours to resolve the issues surrounding parental responsibilities and rights of unmarried fathers.

Section 21 sets out certain requirements that have to be met by an unmarried father before he is allowed to acquire the same parental responsibilities and rights towards a minor child as the biological mother (whom, acquires these parental responsibilities and rights automatically without having to adhere to specified requirements).


The requirements for an unmarried father to acquire full parental responsibilities and rights towards a minor child are not as straightforward as one may think. The requirements for an unmarried father to automatically acquire parental responsibilities and rights towards a minor child are listed as follows in the Children’s Act:


  1. “if at the time of the child’s birth he is living with the mother in a permanent life-partnership; or
  2. if he, regardless of whether he has lived or is living with the mother– i. consents to be identified or successfully applies in terms of section 26 to be identified as the child’s father or pays damages in terms of customary law;
    1. contributes or has attempted in good faith to contribute to the child’s upbringing for a reasonable period, and
    2. contributes or has attempted in good faith to contribute towards expenses in connection with the maintenance of the child for a reasonable period.”

However, it is important to note that the requirements are not cumulative, as was held in the High Court case of GM v KI 2015 (3) SA 62 (GJ), in which matter the High Court stated that an unmarried father can acquire parental responsibilities and rights by contributing to his child’s maintenance, which, in itself, indicated that the court does not consider the requirements to be cumulative. Therefore, it can be argued that if anyone of the requirements are met the unmarried father will automatically acquire full parental responsibilities and rights toward a minor child.

If a dispute should arise between the unmarried parents regarding their parental responsibilities and rights they must be extremely cautious before deciding to approach the Court for the necessary relief sought.

Unmarried parents are usually unaware of section 21(3) of the Children’s Act which governs disputes between them. This section not only requires but makes it compulsory for unmarried parents to first attempt mediation specific to the issues between them, they may not approach the Court as the first resort for resolution. However, this section does not diminish the High Court’s powers as the upper guardian of all minor children, and therefore either party may, if it is in the best interest of a minor child, approach the Court without having engaged in mediation.

An unmarried father may, if it is in the best interest of a minor child, either bring an application to the High Court or approach the Children’s Court in terms of Section 53 of the Children’s Act, especially with regards to vesting his automatically acquired parental responsibilities and rights and/or for access towards his minor child.

Nevertheless, section 21(3) of the Children’s Act compels the unmarried parents to attempt mediation, it follows that from such mediation a parenting plan is usually formulated.

Consequently, sections 33 to 35 of the Children’s Act deal with the specific content of a parenting plan.

The parenting plan may include various and several co-parenting issues in contention between the parties, however, section 33(3) of the Children’s Act briefly mentions the following determinations:

“3. A parenting plan may determine any matter in connection with parental responsibilities and rights, including–

  1. where and with whom the child is to live;
  2. the maintenance of the child;
  3. contact between the child and–
    1. any of the parties; and
    2. any other person; and
  4. the schooling and religious upbringing of the child.”

The parenting plan aims to resolve issues surrounding arrangements for a minor child and meticulously outlines the exercise of the unmarried parents’ co-parental responsibilities and rights.

It is important to point out that section 33(2) echoes section 21(3) of the Children’s Act in that it also discourages parties from approaching the Court as a first resort for their co-parenting issues, yet section 33(2) differs in that it provides as a solution that parties first seek to agree to a parenting plan.

In the event that unmarried parents are either certain or remain sceptical that mediation as envisaged in section 21(3) of the Children’s Act would come to nought, it is a point to remember that before approaching Court, it is advisable to approach a legal representative to draw up a parenting plan as per sections 33 to 35 of the Children’s Act. What such action would achieve is that the draft parenting plan may be proposed to the other parent for their consideration, and amendments and/or negotiations regarding such a draft may be attended to expertly drafted, well-advised and in strict accordance with the law, to avoid any unnecessary litigation and/or issues in future.

Agreeing to a parenting plan is highly advantageous to unmarried fathers, as such agreements will vest their parental responsibilities and rights in a non-litigious manner, which is in the best interest of a minor child.

Where parties have agreed to a parenting plan, they may approach the Court to have such a parenting plan made an Order of Court, which is highly advisable to do for the purpose of the enforcement thereof.

Do I need A divorce lawyer

Why Do I Need A Divorce Attorney?

When it comes to divorces, most people want to get it done as quickly as possible. Whilst it is possible to acquire a divorce without a lawyer this does not mean you should. Depending on your situation prior to your divorce should be a deciding factor on whether you need an attorney or not.

Do I need a divorce attorney

Going through a divorce without an attorney is entirely possible but it is not recommended as there are many facets to divorce that the layman is unaware of.

Whenever children are involved, you may need a lawyer to assist you with custodial issues. Remember that it is always in the best interest of the child that the law will act upon.

If you have assets to be divided or require spousal support you will definitely benefit from a lawyer.
Be sure that you listen to the right advice and make no mistakes when filing for a divorce, that is why a lawyer is the best way to protect your interests. Should you find that you are both in agreement please note that even the most agreeable couples can hit roadblocks during the settlement process so be prepared to consider hiring an attorney if that happens.

If you are not happy with the initial deal you entered into or agreed to something you did not understand then your only recourse will be to go back to court to try to change the final order. Undoing an agreement by the divorce court is difficult and usually only allowed under limited circumstances.

Another consideration is when hiring a consulting attorney who will review the proposed settlement before you sign it. Remember you will be bound by any court order that is signed off by a judge.

Although you may be reluctant to hire a lawyer to remember that divorce lawyers know the law and how to complete the legal paperwork.

Remember an attorney will not advocate for a trial unless your spouse is uncooperative. Most attorneys will attempt to resolve the case as quickly as possible while advocating for their clients.

Protect Yourself

In cases of family abuse there the best advice is to hire an attorney to protect your rights. A fair negotiation is impossible should there be an imbalance of power between partners.

Although you might feel like you can represent yourself in your divorce, when one party has an attorney and the other doesn’t, it often results in the unrepresented party walking away without a fair deal. We advise that you hire an attorney and level the playing field.

Although no divorce is pleasant, some are complicated, especially if the other party in your case is hiding assets, destroying property, wasting marital funds, or threatening you with financial ruin. If you find that you can’t work with your spouse, hiring a qualified attorney to represent you may be your only option. Not only will the attorney advocate for your rights throughout the divorce, but there’s also no question that you will feel some relief from the stress of your divorce knowing that you have someone in your corner.

Unequitable Results

Unequitable results often arise from divorces where each spouse is neither aware of what he or she is entitled to from the marriage nor represented by a divorce lawyer. The role of an attorney in a divorce proceeding is to make sure the end result is fair to his or her client – a necessity when one party is less educated or not as financially well off compared to the other.

No matter the size of the family or marital estate, it’s common for spouses to feel hostile toward one another or upset over the end of their marriage. These feelings can cloud an individual’s judgment and make it harder for the parties to agree on matters themselves.

If extramarital affairs or other issues occurred during the marriage, feelings of anger and resentment can make it difficult for an individual to handle the objective portions of the divorce on his or her own. Instead, an attorney can maintain a clear head, fight to uphold your rights, and help you stay on a path that’s best for your future.


Children are often the most important aspect of a divorce and it is important for you to protect them and yourself.

Feel free to get in touch with us to see how we can protect your rights as a parent.

Examples of Brutal Divorce Tactics

Draining the joint bank account. Your shared bank account is an asset that you both rely on. When suddenly the money is funneled into a different account, one that excludes the other party, bills that are normally set on auto-pay will bounce and other expenses will likely require attention. This forces the victim of the theft to not only spend time straightening out the bills on their own but will also leave them in financial dependence on the other person.
Maxing out shared credit lines. Hiring attorneys and making arrangements surrounding a divorce all require money, which leaves many people to use credit until their decree is finalized and alimony and other payments begin. When one partner uses your joint credit cards to stock up on personal items or make large purchases, it will leave the other person with few other options. Usually, this is a bait-and-switch maneuver: one spouse will agree in court to take on the existing debt, unaware that there have been (many) new charges.
Refusal to support the household until ordered to do so. This is one of the steps in a routine called “starve out the other spouse.” The primary earner of the marriage retaliates after moving out of the family home and subsequently stops providing for the household. The goal is to put the other spouse in a financial position where he or she, out of desperation, will accept an unfair settlement.
Waiting to deliver support payments. If there is no income withholding order, a spouse may wait until the latest possible day to pay support money, even if they have the money to send. In some states, support doesn’t become delinquent until it’s 30 days past due; there is no recourse for the other spouse until the 31st day after the payment was ordered.
Petition the court for primary custody (even though the plan is to have joint custody). Perhaps you both tentatively agree on terms of shared custody or lenient visitation. By petitioning for primary custody, that spouse intends to strike fear into their ex in order to get them to concede on a different issue altogether.
Refuse to speak with the other side. Discussing terms of the divorce privately is imperative to having a conflict-free divorce. By refusing to meet and compromise, they intend to create conflict, increase legal fees, and wear the other side down. It can also cause a serious break in parent-child ties if the non-custodial parent doesn’t get to see the children because he or she can’t set up any parenting time.
File a bogus petition. One spouse may file petitions simply to take advantage of the court’s bureaucracy in order to drag out the proceedings. They may be dismissed, but it will add to the amount of time spent in court, which can disrupt the other spouse’s life in many ways—financial and otherwise.

These are just a few of the sneaky things that can and have happened in divorces. They are sometimes successful but are very destructive to any meaningful and fair settlement negotiations. In addition, the residual bitterness after the divorce could hamper you and your ex-spouse’s ability to effectively co-parent your children. What’s more, they often lead to post-divorce legal proceedings that may cost additional, unnecessary legal fees. Don’t get caught up in the charades—it is best for the entire family to settle fairly and without high-profile tricks.

Closing Thoughts

In conclusion, divorce is hard to go through it is even harder if you have to do it by yourself! Here at SKV we believe in looking after our clients and their best interests so do not hesitate to get in touch with us to help with any divorce proceedings.

Thanks for reading. Until next time!


7 Signs You May Be Having A Midlife Crisis: The Divorce Impact

We’ve all heard the term “midlife crisis” being used to describe how someone’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours sometimes change as people reach middle age. Although this phrase is often used lightly, for those experiencing a potential midlife crisis, this can be a very difficult time. When someone’s feelings are left unchecked, this can sometimes lead to more serious issues developing, such as depression, anxiety and commonly divorce.

We look at seven common signs and explore ways that you can try to cope with a midlife crisis:


1. You feel overwhelmed yet unfulfilled

It’s all too easy to get caught up in the general busyness and everyday noise without stopping to consider what you really want out of life. You may have a high-pressure job that means you are spending less quality time with family and friends then you would like. You may be a working parent who is trying to juggle childcare with a career. Or, you may have filled your life with so many activities that you rarely find time to fully relax. Sometimes we fill our days with things to simply distract us from how we are really feeling about our life.

It is important to stand back from everyday activities occasionally to take stock of what we actually want out of life. One way of doing this is to be ‘mindful’; this is where you try and take your mind away from busy thoughts and focus only on what’s immediately around you. For example, a walk in a local park, where you can focus on the trees and plants, listen to the birds, and as the saying goes – take time to “smell the roses”.


2. You are successful yet dissatisfied

Many people reach a point in their lives where they may have secured a successful career. However, problematic feelings can emerge when people realise all they have achieved does not give them the level of satisfaction they had expected. This can lead to confusion, low mood and irritability – and, ultimately, a midlife crisis.

Interestingly, there is a current trend where the highest number of people starting new businesses are in their fifties. Nowadays, it is very common for people to move from a long-term career to either start a different job role or a new venture. If this is how you are feeling, it might be time to sit down and map out what you might do if you did leave your current career. By taking practical action, you will be able to give yourself a new focus, which may help to alleviate any negative feelings – for example, you could make a list of possible career changes and any related training you may need to do.


3. You lack a clear purpose and life direction

If you are unhappy in your career or with your current life situation, there’s a real risk these feelings could start to spiral into depression. Therefore, it’s important to talk to those around you and share how you are really feeling. If you feel limited or constrained by your life circumstances, this will only lead to you feeling frustrated and your loved ones may start to suffer, due to your low mood.

Finding a sense of “purpose” is everyone’s goal in life, but there are different ways you could fulfil this need. Many people assume their purpose must be career-related or to create a family. Although this may be enough of a purpose for lots of people, many others achieve this in their lives but still feel unfulfilled. While you are trying to find your purpose, one idea would be to consider giving something back to your local community. An “act of kindness” can be very rewarding to both you and the recipient. For example – you could volunteer for a charity or help a local community group.


4. You’re experiencing apathy and a loss of interest

Apathy can lead to a sense of numbness, which in turn can then lead on to more serious issues. When you lose interest in the things you used to enjoy, there is usually a reason behind these feelings. It could be that you have simply changed as a person, due to age, and you no longer feel satisfied with the activities you once enjoyed when you were younger.

However, if you have experienced trauma, or you are going through a difficult period, this can also cause a general loss of interest in life. Try to discuss your feelings with loved ones, and if this does not seem possible, then it might be worth talking to a counsellor or therapist.


5. You’re making big changes and acting out of character

This is probably the most common sign of all that you might be going through a midlife crisis. We have all heard of people reaching their forties and suddenly buying that sports car or starting to wear younger styles of clothing. Such actions are not necessarily an issue unless someone’s behaviours start to conflict with their partner or loved ones. For example, if someone is starting to drink more alcohol or other harmful habits, this can be a clear sign of a problem that needs addressing.

When someone’s character has changed to a point where their partner is no longer able to relate to them, this can spell disaster for long-term relationships and marriages. Such out-of-character behaviours could be masking someone’s negative thoughts and feelings. Or, it could be a sign that a relationship is no longer working and it’s time to consider getting a divorce or ending things. However, it is very important that you and your partner sit down and discuss how you both really feel – consider what you both want out of life and whether you want to stay on your life journey together. Never make hasty decisions with any relationship, unless you are in a situation which is causing you harm in some way.


6. You suffer with sleep problems and lethargy

Sleeping patterns are one of the clearest signs that something may be wrong. Some people may find it difficult to get off to sleep, whereas others may find themselves waking up in the early hours and struggle to get back to sleep. Poor quality sleep can be a result of many factors, including feelings of stress and alcohol consumption.

If you have something on your mind, this can cause you to experience poor quality sleep. Prolonged sleep disturbance can cause you to feel low and this can have a dramatic effect on your physical health too. Therefore, it’s important to try to understand what’s affecting your sleep patterns and consider how you can resolve this. You may find it helpful to talk to a professional therapist, who may be able to help you understand why you are sleeping badly.


7. You feel depressed and are easily stressed

If you are experiencing a permanent low mood or you find yourself getting stressed at the slightest thing, this is another clear sign that something may be wrong. If your feelings are affecting your day-to-day life, then it’s time to seek help.

To determine whether there is a medical reason for the way you are feeling, it’s important to speak to your GP. They may suggest referring you to a counsellor or therapist, which will help you to understand the root cause of your feelings and you will learn new coping mechanisms.


7. Ensuring a possible divorce is handled correctly

If a midlife crisis has announced itself in your current situation and may have possibly led to you undergoing a divorce. We recommend that you seek the advice and assistance of reputable and experienced divorce attorneys. Click here for more helpful information on what to consider when going through a divorce.


Physical & Psychological Effects of Divorce

It is common knowledge that no happy marriage ends in divorce. Common emotional and psychological effects of divorce include:

  • Guilt
  • Anxiety/Stress
  • Depression
  • Insomnia
  • Substance abuse
  • Identity Crisis

Whilst divorce affects most everyone in the same way a psychological study found that for most these symptoms are temporary. Although it is proven that people with a prior history of depression often have depressive episodes long after the divorce has been finalized.

Psychologists theorize that women often have access to networks and rely on support more readily than men. This is invaluable to overcoming the emotional effects of divorce.  Men do not cope well with the emotional aspects and this speaks to a more intense stressful experience.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]


Everyone goes through their own personal sufferings and journey. Take the opportunity to rediscover yourself and what makes you truly happy.


Health problems are worsened due to a lower standard of living and the economic hardship divorced people experience. Very often they will not have the same amount of people in their support structures which causes more intense stress and in turn the immune system is weakened;

  • Divorced men and women get more colds and flu
  • Divorced men have higher incidences of cancer and heart disease
  • Divorced men and women will often experience extreme changes in their weight
  • The mortality rate for divorced men is nearly 250 percent greater than with married men
  • Divorced men suffer more heart attacks and strokes than non-divorced men
  • Higher levels of inflammation in women
  • Worsened financial situation

It is true that most people bounce back. A psychological study of divorce related depression found that for most people these symptoms are temporary.

Women also tend to have a higher frequency of identity issues during and after a divorce. Whilst overcoming this can turn out to be an enormously positive thing, a new self-identity can lead to becoming an emotionally and physically healthier person.

Women also tend to hold on to the stress of divorce longer than men. Scientists trace this to a sudden decrease in standard of living which can go on long after the divorce is final.

Positive Health Effects of Divorce

There can also be some excellent health effects resulting from a divorce.

Relief from a stressful home environment is one of the biggest effects.

Another positive effect is the expansion of self-identity and performing new roles. Some people will advance their careers while some may resort to hobbies and new social circles which in our experience has a very positive effect.

If mediation and counselling have not worked and it’s time to cut ties. Dealing with this experience can be a positive thing for the whole family. We may struggle with change but learning to embrace the sometimes-positive change that divorce can bring has long lasting positive effects. Assistance is often need in recognising and embracing the growth that potentially comes from this change.

Most people find that it can turn out for the better, whereas others agree that it is one of the most difficult things they have dealt with. In most cases, divorce is something that can change your life and your family’s life for the better. Sometimes, it can be better to separate than to allow things to go on that are broken beyond repair.

Families around the world experience a variety of positive effects after a divorce:

Creating a Healthier Household

An unhealthy relationship will put a strain on your entire family, not just the couple that is dealing with the divorce.  Even though you may not like the of the idea of being alone, it is better to deal with a temporary period of sadness and grief especially if you could have had a lifetime of bitter resentment

Being a Positive Influence on the Children

Children are much smarter than people give them credit for, particularly when it comes to feeling the effects of the emotions surrounding them. They will easily be able to tell when you and your spouse are unhappy.

As a parent, it is your responsibility to be a positive model for your kids, so opting for a divorce can be the best way to show them they need to strive for what they deserve in life: happiness.

Improving Your Physical Health

Strenuous relationships are huge causes of deteriorating health. A bad relationship can be incredibly stressful and dealing with chronic stress can bring on symptoms of premature aging, cancer, heart disease, and death. Therefore, it is important that you keep your mind healthy; then you can make sure your body is healthy as well.

Becoming More Self-Aware

If you are would like to learn more about yourself, there is not a single better event to go through in your life than divorce. You will finally have the opportunity to understand what it is that you need to be happy. Ex-spouses seem to have the ability to focus on their needs and the needs of their children, instead of trying to keep a broken relationship together.

Divorce will also equip you with phenomenal coping skills, which will prepare you for many different situations in the future. You could go onto having more of an understanding of what you need in life, how much pain you can endure, and how to recognise a toxic relationship.

Feeling Confident Once Again

No one likes to go through a period in their life when they feel terrible about themselves. Being married to someone you resent is emotionally taxing, incredibly complicated, and messy. Once you get rid of a negative influence in your life, you will see all of the great things about yourself, which will help you feel confident once again.

You will also feel more confident in your strength, as you will have the ability to end this terrible relationship. You will see that it is finally time for you to feel empowered, instead of used and useless.

Divorce is difficult, but in many cases, it is necessary. There is absolutely no reason to settle when you can be free and happy. The end of your marriage is not the end of your existence. You can decide to improve your life in many ways.

Spousal Therapy

Sometimes a wellness and recovery process needs to be considered.

If are entering into counselling because one or the other of you already want a divorce or separation, then it is probably too late for marriage counselling to be effective in preventing the separation. Some couples wait much too long to try therapy and the initial problems or complaints become too numerous to deal with and the damage is more often than not irreparable.

One should not delay in seeking out a couple of therapy services. You and your partner may be shocked and unwilling that you need to take this step, but in the long term you will both be thankful that you acted instead of waiting and allowing matters to worsen. Couple therapy can also assist in the divorce process ensuring that conflicting matters are dealt with further along the line. This is also important for the parenting relationship that needs to be maintained for the well-being of children that are borne out of the marriage.

There are two sides to what is called the “divorce work”, one side is designed to ensure equity and the legal separation of the partners. The other side of “divorce work” speaks to the emotional aftermath that almost always follows a separation. This is a coping method in which the individual will sort through the sense of loss, the emotions, and the situations caused by the divorce. The emotional impact of any separation or divorce should never be underestimated.

All parties in this process needs to be assisted within the context of their lives while they work through this struggle. Some of the issues that often need addressing include depression, anxiety, anger, spiritual formation, communication, behavioural, and marital problems.

Sometimes therapy is required from an experienced and specifically trained therapist for children with developmental disorders, especially for those who have had traumatic experiences, and those with other difficulties. These therapy sessions may need to include pre-divorce or post-divorce sessions as well.

One of the most important things to consider about couple therapy is that it’s not a guaranteed fix. This is something which many people do not realise going in, and it can lead to frustration and disappointment later on in the therapy process. The fact is that not every couple that goes to therapy together can salvage their relationship. There are cases where couple therapy leads to the spouses realising that they’re better off living apart from one another. In certain cases, it is found that the best way to save a relationship is to end it.

A therapist will work with you and your partner and be a guide; however, you and your partner are ultimately in charge of whether your relationship will succeed or fail. Therapy has proven that it only works if the two parties put in the time and take the necessary steps towards fostering a successful relationship. This is not a one-shoe fits all exercise and should always be done with consideration to both parties


Mental health is often an overlooked aspect in divorce with so much going on, it is important to look after ourselves as well.

Do not hesitate or feel ashamed to talk to someone about any issues you may be suffering from.

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a grave problem for people of all genders, races, and cultures. People who go through domestic violence within the home are open to being badly injured or could lose their lives. There are many kinds of abuse, and they are all negative and for some this may leave permanent mental and emotional damage to the family. It is imperative that when there is spousal abuse in the family that an immediate action plan is put into place and assistance is provided for the victims of this abuse.

However, one may require help in recognising the signs and how they go about seeking help.

Unstable Emotional Household

An unstable household during a divorce is one in which circumstances and moods are constantly changing. Family members, particularly children, do not know what to expect from day to day or moment to moment. The result is often fear and feelings of insecurity. The lack of stability in the home, rather than the actual divorce itself, creates the most problems for adults and children.

Adults who are going through a divorce will suffer through a range of emotions from sadness to betrayal. Even when a divorce is amicable, the husband and wife are letting go of the dream they shared when they married. Sadness is a natural reaction to this and at this stage they will also both be trying to secure their separate financial futures. A woman may feel betrayed when a husband tries to claim a monetary interest in her business or seek alimony from her. A man might become angered by his wife’s monetary demands for spousal support and child care. As they work through these feelings, emotional volatility creates an atmosphere of uncertainly in the home.


A child going whose parents are going through a divorce often encounters feelings of fear, sadness, guilty, rejection and anger. The family, as the child knows it, is changing in every aspect. The child might experience loneliness when a parent leaves, as well as anger toward the parent for leaving. Ultimately children fear the unknown and will often prefer an unsafe home life to the collapse of their family. While abuse might have been a part of the child’s life it’s the uncertainty of the future that creates emotional instability.


Maintaining a stable home environment during and after a divorce is one of the most important things a parents can do to promote emotional stability for children, according to Diane M. Berry, author of “Child-Friendly Divorce: A Divorced Therapist’s Guide to Helping Your Children Thrive!” Children need to know who is preparing their meals, who will fetch them from school. Visitation is another unsettling aspect where adults and children need to know when they can expect to see each other after a separation.


A change in income can almost certainly create emotional instability in the home where living standards cannot be maintained. Often feelings of inadequacy will come to the surface as they no longer have the extra-curricular activities which they had. Poverty creates emotional instability when the members of a household become uncertain of where they will live and how they will eat.

Closing Thoughts

In conclusion, divorce can be a difficult and trying time for yourself and ex partner as well as impact those around. It is important that we look after our mental health and well-being

If you are ready and prepared to seperate from your partner and change your life please visit our divorce page.

Thank you for reading and until next time!

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