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6 Questions to find out if divorce is the right solution for you

Divorce can often be a stressful and confusing time for couples; there are no easy solutions or answers to decide whether you are ready for a divorce. The emotional and financial toll a divorce can have an a person is often understated, SKV Attorneys is here to help guide you decide whether divorce is the right choice for your situation. If you are looking for more helpful advice, take a quick gander at our articles page.

Should I stay or should I go is a question people in marriages often ask themselves. Many experts assume that once a married person says they want a divorce that they are ready for it, however, that is not always the case. When the divorce process happens couples are not prepared for the reality of the situation.

Divorce is something that should not be rushed or done hastily, emotions are quite often involved in the decision and reactionary behavior can affect those around you and your mental well-being. Before deciding on a divorce you need to ensure you are facing the situation with a clear head and without emotional bias. We will go through the following 6 questions to help you decide if divorce is the right path for your marriage.

“I don’t see divorce as a failure. I see it as the end of a story. In a story, everything has an end and a beginning.”
Olga Kurylenko

1. Are You Willing To Accept Responsibility?

As human beings we are always wanting to be in control of every situation, however, in reality this is an impossible task and the same goes for marriage. Relationships deteriorate over time and behaviors themselves change, we can’t change our spouses behavior but you can change your behaviors. Are you willing to change yourself to save your marriage?

Marriage is a partnership and two-way street; it is not only one side that can be blamed for the breakdown of a relationship, both sides need to be able to accept responsibility for the actions, whether it is neglect or something more serious. According to leading divorce experts one partner will usually blame the other for the breakdown of the marriage but  it is not as simple as that. The actions of one partner can affect the actions of the other, therefore it is imperative that if you want to make your divorce as smooth as possible you need to accept your shortcomings as a partner and not just your spouses.

2. Do You Still Have Feelings For Your Spouse?

Many divorces are emotionally driven affairs and one or both spouses will often have still feelings for one another but due to intimacy, power or other struggles there can be a disconnect between spouses who have hastily decided the divorce is the best route. If this sounds like you we recommend you take some time to yourselves and work on your marriage and the issues you are facing otherwise you might feel a sense of regret and find yourself worse off than before the divorce.

One story from a client, who we will call Elizabeth, Elizabeth was struggling through her relationship with her husband, Elizabeth would try save most of their money to pay off their debt but her husband could not control his spending and pulled them further into debt, seeing divorce as the only way out of the situation. This put a great strain on an otherwise perfect relationship and because of Elizabeth’s feelings towards her husband she could not do it. Instead Elizabeth sought out guidance from her therapists and close friends to help set boundaries and try overcome the situation with her husband.

On the other side of the coin, people fall out of love sometimes, especially after being together for many years. Unfortunately, this usually only affects one spouse who is still in love. If this sounds like you, divorce may be the right solution, however, it is not unheard of for people to fall back in love but do not let someone hang this thought over your head.

3. Is Your Decision Without Bias & Emotional Reaction?

When making a huge life changing decision such as divorce it is essential to go into the process with a clear head, non-bias and unemotional state to allow you to make a decision you can stick with over the process. Often times an emotionally charged decision does not last and is not productive to resolve any issues you and your spouse are experiencing.

In order to be ready for a divorce you need to have a minimal emotional attachment to your spouse otherwise the divorce process won’t be smooth it will instead be stressful and full of a lot of pain because you are still holding onto your feelings of anger and resentment.

One of our customers was in the divorce process who always complained how much she hated her soon to be ex-husband, on a weekly basis she would have strong feelings of hate toward him. The feelings she was experiencing was a reflection of her passion and feelings toward him, she soon realized this and started detaching herself from her emotions and proceeded smoothly through the rest of her divorce process. To be ready for a divorce you need to lower your emotional attachment to the person you are separating from, which is easier said than done.

4. Are You Ready For The Consequences a Divorce Brings With It?

Divorce is a major change in anyone’s life, there is no easy way out and it comes with much stress, financial and emotional turmoil. It is often the ending of “the happy family” dream. It is imperative that you have a good support system in place to help you through this time.

Divorce hurts, and it hurts even more to know it has caused others pain and suffering. Children, family members and friends can all be greatly impacted by a divorce. You are not only making a decision for yourself but for everyone who is involved in your lives. The following are some consequences you may face:

  • Financial and lifestyle changes that may make you worse off than previously.
  • Your mental health and wellbeing may suffer.
  • You need to be able to accept your children’s feelings of anger and depression during the early stages of divorce.
  • Know that if you have children with your ex-spouse you will need to be able to co-parent peacefully.
  • Be able to accept responsibility for certain failings within the marriage.

The consequences of divorce can vary wildly from couple to couple, however, one thing remains and that it will be sad and painful especially when you have children involved. If you would like to learn more about the effect divorce has on children just click this text.

5. What Is Your Reason For Wanting a Divorce?

According to great minds in the divorce industry, any reason other than simply wanting to end the marriage is a sign that you are not ready to get divorced. If you have an ulterior motive or are hoping to change the other person and their viewpoints, maybe they will start treating you better than you are getting divorced for the wrong reason.

A divorce cannot undo what has already been done or change someone’s mind, divorce can only end the marriage. Divorce allows you to be released and free to do as you desire and form bonds with new people.

Are-you-ready-for-a-divorce

Spouses divorce but parents are forever. Do not let your emotions ruin your relationship with your children.

Be prepared to deal with the aftermath of a divorce, especially with young children.

6. Are You Ready & Willing To Take Control Of Your Life & Emotions?

Divorce is a trying time for any individual but you eventually need to get over it and move on with your life. Would you rather do this gracefully and with tact than from a place of hatred and bitterness? Whether you are the one who wants a divorce or the one that is being divorced the endgame is always the same; the resolution of the marriage.  Ultimately the decision is yours to decide how you move forward.

From our experience generally couples who approach the divorce process with understanding and respect have a much easier time moving forward with this change in their life. Ultimately the decision is yours to decide how you wish to approach the ending of your marriage, we always recommend that you do your best to be respectful to your ex-spouse and reach a fulfilling agreement that both you and the children are content with

A few helpful tips to guide you through the process

  • Encourage Honesty: Try be honest with one another and come to a mutual respect and understanding.
  • Ensure The Marriage Is Over: Once a divorce happens you can never go back so ensure the relationship is irrepairable before pursuing.
  • Educate Yourself: Having yourself setup with a therapist, lawyer and financial advisor will help the process be a lot smoother.
  • Find What Matters: Don’t get worked up over small objects and money, look at the bigger picture and focus on what is important to you.
  • Family & Friends: Don’t be afraid to lean on your family and friends for awhile until you find your feet.
  • Be Patient: A divorce is a marathon not a sprint, there are many things that can add to the delay, just go with pace and don’t give yourself anxiety attacks.

Closing Thoughts

In conclusion, it can be a confusing and scary time just by taking the time to ask yourself these questions and whether you are ready for a divorce. Seeking professional help before deciding to go through with a divorce can help you through the process, people such as mediators and divorce coaches will support you.

Maybe you have already decided that divorce is the correct course of action for your marriage and you are ready. Give us a call or send an email for a friendly consultation on how SKV Attorneys can help you through the divorce process.

Thank you for reading and until next time!

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